She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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