end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
