What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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