clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
