Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
