God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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