In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
