ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
