i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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