I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
