how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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