so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
