So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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