Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
