just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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