Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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