He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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