He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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