I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
