Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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