Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
