my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
