Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think my moral compass just broke
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
