you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
