I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
