dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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