I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
