We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
