My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
