You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize