hotel room ftw
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he shaved USA in his pubs
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
