I smell stomach acid.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
