K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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