dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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