who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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