fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
