Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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