I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How external is "for external use only"?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
