and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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