I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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