I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
