When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
