Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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