He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
