Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
