A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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