An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
