This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
