sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
