My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
false alarm. still invincible.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
