i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am naked and annoyed.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
