I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
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It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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