i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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