im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
