The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she smelled like a LAN party
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Randomize
