Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I deserve this hangover.
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