Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
