I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
