There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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