I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize