Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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