Don't you send me to vm
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize