i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Porn is love you can see.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
