im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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