There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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