Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
