Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
