I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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