so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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