why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
