theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
