she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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