someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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