I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
