Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
soo... how was my night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
