I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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