Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
