my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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