We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
