therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
