Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
