He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
