he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
