the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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