We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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