seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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