Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
