Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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